I think I won the penis lottery.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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