So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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