so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
