I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize