WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
