I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
