I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
