I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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