Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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