She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
smell my finger.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
