The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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