Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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