i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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