woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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