I bet he comes in French.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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