he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
