I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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