that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
