mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
