Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
