I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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