I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
