The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
