can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
