***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
