Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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