the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
