; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
