I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
