You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
