we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
