I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
