Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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