My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
