he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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