So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize