Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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