im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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