What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
