you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
