Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
and she was petting her beer can
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
