we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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