no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
