Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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