just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I deserve this hangover.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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