Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
