Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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