no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
