how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
