Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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