he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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