Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize