doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
