you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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