Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
