When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
