I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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