i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
