Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
