The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
