Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize